


Someone to Rely On

by InkstainedGwyn



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Emo, Hurt/Comfort, Low Self-Esteem, M/M, Then fluff, Yosuke is the bullied kid, and as always a happy ending, in which the IT doesn't exist, souji and yosuke go to school together, souji is the new transfer student
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-21 20:50:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8260124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkstainedGwyn/pseuds/InkstainedGwyn
Summary: Souji is a newer student at a city school where Yosuke's been (badly) bullied for the last year and a half. They end up assigned to work on a project together, and slowly start to fall in love, but Yosuke's self-esteem is so low that Souji has a long way to go to help him heal.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was in need of an emo/angst fic today, but in true me style, it's turning into a doozy. I should be able to finish it tomorrow, but have the first half. I meant for it to be a quickfic, but of course, the boys demand more of an exposition and a slower rising action.
> 
> Really, this is just me taking Yosuke's tragic backstory and ramping it up to 100, while taking away the IT and letting Souji be Yosuke's 'knight in shining armour'. Because Yosuke deserves to have someone hold him tight and tell him how amazing he is and how they'll always love him.
> 
> Here's my [tumblr](https://ohlookashinysquirrel.tumblr.com) if you want to poke at me.

“Yaaaah, look, it’s Loser Hanamura!”

“Ahaha, the Trash Prince of Junes! Where’s your crown, Hanamura?”

Scowling, Yosuke swiped his thumb across his mp3 player, ramping up the volume; it might not be good for his hearing, but he didn’t care, as long as he didn’t have to listen to the jeers that followed him home every day from school. Just at that point, a wadded wrapper hit him on the side of the head, bouncing off; it didn’t _hurt_ , but it was just one more thing he had to put up with. Hunching his shoulders, he picked up the pace, hurrying away from the school.

Not that it really mattered if he went home. Nobody would be there to meet him; his father practically lived at work, and their apartment was so quiet that Yosuke couldn’t _stand_ it. He hated the quiet, hated the thoughts that came, the constant voices in his head, replaying the same shit, the same insults and jeers he heard every day.

_After all, I'm the only person they treat that way - it must be true, right?_

Chancing a look behind him, he was relieved to see that nobody had followed him; if they’d been bored, the assholes at school were known to even follow him down the block - and when they got off school grounds, that’s when they got _mean_. He’d managed to get away without losing anything important _so_ far - black eyes and bruises were better than having them break his headphones, for example, or the mp3 player he’d saved up for months to buy - but he never knew what was around the corner. It might just be a matter of days.

Mildly relieved that nobody was following him, his footsteps slowed; with no reason - and certainly no desire - to go home, he headed across the street, instead, to the community park where the school held most of their outdoor and PE events, like baseball games and track meets. It was late enough that practice should be over - not that many of the bullies were in sports clubs. Some of them played basketball, but most of them were just lazy assholes. 

Grabbing a seat on one of the bleachers, he settled back, feet up on the bench, his back against the dugout wall. Pulling out his notebook, he sharpened his pencil and started to write. Writing - mostly song lyrics and short stories - was the only thing besides music that made him happy, helped him forget the shitty life he had, and it engrossed him so much that he didn't see the silver-haired boy on the sidewalk above stop for a moment, looking at him with a curious expression before adjusting his shoulder bag and heading off.

* * *

Souji had gotten so caught up in his homework that he was a few minutes late; he apologised to the sensei before changing and starting his warm- ups; he knew it would fall to him to clean after practice, but that was ok. He _had_ been late. 

When practice was over, he went to find the broom and bucket without being told; the sensei nodded, approvingly, and left him to his work. As Souji swept, he found himself thinking about the brunette from that afternoon. 

_Yosuke Hanamura. I see him around a lot but he’s always alone._

The silver-haired boy was relatively new to the school; his father had changed jobs earlier that year, moving his family across the city. With the academic year already started, he was enrolled in the nearest school to their apartment; it wasn’t really a _good_ school, but as long as he kept up his grades - not difficult for Souji, who’d always been a straight-A student - they’d find a better one for him to attend in his final year. 

He didn’t particularly like or dislike the place. It certainly wasn’t good, but he’d learned to adapt; his parents had moved around a lot when he was younger, before settling down in Tokyo. He’d heard that there was a bad case of bullying - he’d certainly heard his share of name-calling as he went to and from class, as well as scuffles in the alleys - but he couldn’t believe that any teachers would let it get _too_ terrible. 

Yosuke, meanwhile, he’d only seen around the school; they were in different homerooms, but they did share a lab together, although so far all they’d done was listen to the teacher drone on and on about the dangers of chemicals. He normally focused on the lesson, but he’d seen the brunette in the back, from time to time, scribbling in a notebook and ignoring the teacher. He’d also seen the brunette sitting in various places around the school - and across the street, like today - also with a pencil and notebook. 

_Wonder what he’s always writing? He’s always doing that, and listening to music. Wonder what kind of music he listens to?_

He’d heard some of the meaner students picking on Yosuke from time to time, but the brunette seemed pretty used to it, and pretty adept at ignoring them; Souji rather admired his thick skin.

* * *

“Pick up your books and find another seat, with a different table partner - yes, that’s right, everybody.” The lab teacher’s tired gaze quashed the complaints of some of the girls in the front row; Souji, meanwhile, just slipped his pencil into the spiral of his notebook before moving a couple of tables over. He took a seat just as another student grabbed the other chair; looking up, Souji realized it was Yosuke. He flashed the brunette a friendly smile, only to have him scowl, hunching over his notebook as he went back to whatever he was writing. Souji sighed, although he didn’t let it bother him too much.

Before he could think too much about it, the teacher was speaking again. “I’m going to be passing out this semester’s project assignment; you and whoever you’re sitting next to will be partners. You have until the end of the semester to finish your project; the details are inside the booklets I’m passing out now. _Everybody_ will be expected to participate, including you, Hanamura.”

The packet landed in front of the brunette as half the class tittered; Yosuke just flushed, staring at the papers in front of him. Souji frowned; he knew that Yosuke tended to detach himself from the rest of class and he never seemed to focus, but for all of that he seemed to do well enough on his tests - he wasn’t in the top handful of students, but he was better than average. As their classmates started to talk amongst their groups, Souji flipped through the packet.

It didn’t seem too difficult. After skimming the instructions, he turned to his tablemate. “Hey. I don’t think we’ve ever been introduced, I’m Souji Seta.”

The brunette looked at him, warily, then shrugged. “Yosuke Hanamura,” he mumbled.

 _At least he’s talking to me_. “This doesn’t seem too bad. Do you have any ideas about what you would want to do?”

Yosuke stared at the packet for a moment, then shook his head; after another few moments, Souji sighed inwardly. “All right, well, let’s take the rest of the day to think about it - if we’re both working on it, I want it to be something we’re both interested in, if we can manage that. You busy after school? We could meet up and talk about it then.”

The brunette was quiet for so long that Souji was about to take back the ‘at least he’s talking to me’ thought; after a few moments, however, Yosuke mumbled, “the roof,” and Souji leaned over. 

“Huh?”

“I _said_ , the roof.” Yosuke shot Souji a glance. “It’s quiet there.”

“Yeah, it is.” Souji gave him a smile, although he was unsurprised when the brunette didn’t return it. “Okay, the roof it is. I’ll meet you there after class.”

* * *

To be honest, Souji hadn’t expected Yosuke to show up. He didn’t really _get_ what was going on with the brunette, but it was clear _something_ was; still, Souji wasn’t a therapist, nor was he a busybody - it wasn’t his place to try to figure it out, if Yosuke didn’t want to talk.

However, to his surprise, when he got up to the roof, he found the brunette sitting in a corner, headphones on, fiddling with the cord. When Souji approached, Yosuke’s head shot up; for a second there was a look of terror written plainly across his face, but it was gone so fast that the silver-haired boy wasn’t sure he hadn’t imagined it. Giving Yosuke a friendly smile, he dropped his shoulder bag on the roof and took a seat, near enough that they could talk, but not so close as to intrude in the brunette’s personal space. When he sat down, Yosuke’s shoulders relaxed, just a little; pretending not to notice, Souji dug his notebook out of his bag. 

“All right, let’s see what we can think up, did you have any ideas?”

Away from the class,  Yosuke seemed more open, and he actually _talked_ to Souji, although he still said no more than was absolutely necessary. He’d had a few ideas, and Souji had come up with a few ideas, and they managed to mix a couple of them together so that they had what Souji figured was a pretty good project. 

“Hmmm, this is gonna take some time, though.” Souji tapped his cheek with his pencil as he looked down at his notepad. “I guess we could work in one of the labs here-”

At that comment, Yosuke’s face immediately closed up; he drew back, and Souji hid a frown. _He almost acts like an abused puppy_. The thought made him feel a little sick inside, and he looked back at the handout packet. “Well, this is supposed to be something we can do at home, so let’s _do it_ at home? My folks don’t usually get home until around dinnertime, so we could use my apartment.”

“Dad’s never home,”  Yosuke offered, shrugging. “Either works.”

 _His father must work more than mine. He doesn’t mention his mother, though?_ It wasn’t any of his business, though, so he just nodded. “All right.” He looked at his watch and frowned. “I have to go, but I’m free for the next two afternoons. We could meet tomorrow after school, get started? I think I have at least half of these materials, although we might need to buy some of the equipment.”

After Yosuke nodded, Souji pulled out his phone. “Can we swap numbers? It might make it easier, especially if we want to meet up outside of school.”

The brunette looked very hesitant at this, but after a few moments he nodded, pulling out a small orange flip phone. Souji took his number, then texted him his own; saving Yosuke’s number in his contact list, he slipped it back into his pocket.

“Okay, I really have to run now, but I’ll see you tomorrow, partner!” He was determined to keep a friendly attitude, even if Yosuke wasn’t; the brunette _had_ opened up to him more than he’d seen yet, so he didn’t figure the guy hated him - he just seemed to be slow to warm up. Either way, they were off to a decent start with their project, so he dashed for the stairs, determined not to be late for practice this time.

* * *

Yosuke watched Souji run off, his shoulder bag bouncing behind him all the way down the stairs; the brunette felt puzzled, and uncomfortable, but at least he felt _somewhat_ safe in classing Souji with the ‘harmless’ students. The school was divided into two groups, the bullies and the blind; the bullies were the ones who made his life hell, and the blind just ignored it, or laughed, or were just too dense to notice.

 _Not like it matters._ Yosuke hugged his knees, looking down at his phone contact list; it was empty, other than an emergency contact, the Junes customer service desk number, and Souji’s. _All this is going to do is get me another worthless grade that won’t get me out of here_. 

Not that he deserved to be anywhere better. Wincing, he pulled his headphones back over his ears, jabbing the play button with his thumb as he drowned out the thoughts and doubts; _the roof is as good a place as any_. He shrugged, flipping to the back of his notebook as he started to write. 

* * *

There was no lab the next day, but as soon as the bell rang, Souji texted Yosuke asking if the brunette wanted to meet on the roof. He was just slinging his bag over his shoulder when his phone buzzed; the message was unexpected, however.

> bleachers across the street 

_Not like I have a particular attachment to the roof_. Souji shrugged, grabbing his shoes before heading out; when he got to the bleachers, he found Yosuke sitting in the same spot he’d been the last few times Souji had walked by on the way to practice. 

“Hey.” Souji took a seat next to him. “Man, class was long today. You doing okay?”

Yosuke shrugged, slowly pushing the headphones off his head and down around his neck. “Where are we going?”

Souji looked at him. He’d had a long time to think about it last night, and he’d started to put a few things together; he didn’t get _why_ , but Yosuke was obviously jumpy about _something_. 

“Where would _you_ prefer? I mean, what would make you most comfortable?”

The brunette froze for a moment, looking at Souji with wide eyes; Souji just gave him what he hoped was a friendly smile, and Yosuke looked down, fidgeting with his headphone wire. “You said you have some of this stuff, right?”

“Yeah, and I got mom to take me out last night to get some of the rest of it. I’m not sure we have everything, but we can at least take a look and start planning what we need to do. My place it is, then - it’s not too far, just around the corner.”

As they got further away from school, Yosuke seemed to relax a little, although he didn’t exactly open up; Souji made a few quiet comments as they walked, but they were mostly observational, or about his parents, and nothing the brunette would have to respond to. It hadn’t skipped Souji’s notice that whenever the silence lengthened, Yosuke would reach for his headphones, then look a little frustrated before looping them back around his neck; so the silver-haired boy talked, trying to lessen the silence, just a little. 

He was starting to realize that there was a lot more behind Yosuke Hanamura’s curt attitude and scrunched-up shoulders than he’d originally thought, and whatever it was, he couldn’t imagine that it was _good_.

* * *

When they got to Souji’s apartment, Yosuke kicked off his shoes and looked around; it wasn’t too terribly different from his own, barring a few more family pictures and a lot less dust. In the living room, Souji triumphantly gestured to two shopping bags; Yosuke’s stomach dropped a little when he saw the name and familiar logo - _**Junes**_ \- on the bags, but it really wasn’t _surprising_. When Souji started to show him the items he’d bought, the brunette had to bite his lip to keep from speaking.

 _The fuck, Hanamura, keep your mouth_ shut. _Not that your Junes discount is that great but it’s clearly an issue around here; remember last time? Not going through that shit again, not on your life_. 

He just watched Souji, impassively; the boy seemed unaffected by his attitude, however, and just smiled at the brunette. “Tea, water, or juice?”

“Huh?” Yosuke raised an eyebrow.

“Tea, water, or juice? Which would you rather drink?”

The idea of being given anything made Yosuke shrink back a little; he said the first thing that came to mind - “Water.” _At least water doesn’t cost anything_. Souji just nodded, smiling as he headed into the kitchen; Yosuke heard a fridge door open and close, and the boy returned with two bottles of water, which he dropped into a bag before picking them both up.

“Let’s head upstairs, it’s probably easier to work in my room.”

Yosuke followed him upstairs; he was unsurprised to find that the silver-haired boy’s room was as tidy as his personality. There were a couple of bookcases, with books and a few model robots, a TV, and the usual furniture. Still, it looked comfortable and lived-in. 

Souji was sorting through the bags of materials when Yosuke spotted a CD player on one of the shelves, next to which sat a stack of CDs; his curiosity getting the better of him, he wandered over to check them out. At the sight of the disc on top, he couldn’t help giving a little gasp of surprise; it was his favourite band, and it was a brand new album - he’d been able to listen to it in the Junes electronics section, but he hadn’t been able to save up enough money to buy a copy yet.

At the small noise, Souji turned around; when he saw Yosuke holding the CD, he smiled. “Oh, hey! You like them, too? That’s my favourite band. Have you listened to the CD yet?”

Yosuke almost dropped the disc when he realized he’d been ‘caught’, but Souji’s attitude calmed him; carefully putting it down, he nodded, although he added - as if it were an afterthought - “Yeah, but I haven’t been able to afford a copy yet.”

“Want to borrow it?”

The expression on Souji’s face was warm and open, but Yosuke shrank back. “No, I’m fine.” Resolutely putting it down, he hurried back over to the table, taking a seat as he avoided meeting Souji’s eyes.

* * *

By now, Souji was starting to understand the brunette’s actions a little bit, even if he didn’t know anything about what was behind them. He merely smiled and nodded, changing the subject; they started to work on their project, and the CD was - for now - forgotten.

When the the silver-haired boy’s mother texted to let him know she was on her way home, Yosuke hurriedly packed his things to head home; Souji tried to convince him to stay for dinner, but to no avail. The brunette insisted that he had to leave, and shortly after, he was gone. 

Sighing, Souji watched from his window a the brunette ran along the sidewalk, away from his apartment; he was even further from understanding just what was going on with Yosuke than he had been the day before, but he also found himself feeling more and more curious - even if he knew that curiosity was probably rude. _He’s a nice guy. Sharp-natured, but when you get past the brusqueness, he’s polite and quiet. He even likes the same band I do!_ He thought back to the CD, and the brunette’s quick refusal to even borrow the disc. _He’s either worried about losing it, or about being accused of stealing. His father, maybe? I dunno. He didn’t seem too resentful when he said “Dad’s never home” - just resigned._

Either way, he had a solution for that; grabbing the CD, he slid it into his PC tower before grabbing a blank one and dropping it into the next slot down. Pressing the ‘burn’ button on his music player program, he reached for his cell phone.

> Hey partner, thanks for coming over today. I think this is gonna be a great project and I’m looking forward to it. 

> What do you want to do tomorrow? Here is fine again, but mom’s knitting group meets tomorrow afternoon so we’d need to stick to my room. 

Sighing, he placed his phone onto his desk; leaning back, he closed his eyes, thinking about the amber-eyed enigma that was Yosuke Hanamura. 

* * *

As soon as Yosuke was out of Soui’s apartment, he jammed his headphones onto his head; the music helped dull the thoughts that were whirling around his head, but only partly. He felt frustrated and lonely; he wasn’t sure what it was about his new lab partner - after all, the guy was just another one of the _blinds_ , after all - but every time he was around Souji, he found himself wanting to open up in a way that was far too dangerous. 

Running home, he headed for his room; slamming the door - not that it mattered, as the apartment was as dark and empty as it always was - he dropped into a crouch, wrapping his arms around his knees and burying his face against them as his chest tightened. Even with his headphones on, the thoughts started to grow louder. _Trash prince! Worthless! Loser Hanamura! Good for nothing! Pathetic, useless, waste of space! Can’t do anything right! Nobody likes you, even the people that don’t actively hurt you don’t want anything to do with you, and-_

He was startled as his cellphone, in his pocket, buzzed; nobody ever texted him except his father, he only prayed it wasn’t an accident as he dug his phone out. Flipping it open, he blinked at the screen a few times at the unexpected messages, written in a style with which he was already becoming familiar.

> Hey partner, thanks for coming over today. I think this is gonna be a great project and I’m looking forward to it. 

> What do you want to do tomorrow? Here is fine again, but mom’s knitting group meets tomorrow afternoon so we’d need to stick to my room. 

Wincing at the thought of a bunch of well-meaning but nosey and _oblivious_ women sitting around making noise, Yosuke shook his head, shooting back a text.

> my place is ok 

Chewing his lip, he scrolled back to the other two messages, then hesitantly sent another message.

> thanks partner 

After all, that’s what they were, right? Lab partners. 

Looking around, he winced at the sight of what had to be his entire wardrobe spread across his room; if Souji was coming over the next day, it had to be at least _somewhat_ clean - there was no way he’d give anybody that kind of ammunition, anyway. Besides, it was just polite.

He spent the rest of the evening cleaning up his room, stopping at one point to eat some instant noodles as he did a load of laundry. By the time he grabbed his shower, it was almost midnight; it wasn’t until he fell into bed that he realized that even though he’d been in the start of a panic attack, it hadn’t gotten any worse and in fact had gone away as he cleaned. Even the thoughts had gone away, for a little bit, although at this they started to creep back; grabbing his headphones, he jammed them onto his head as he buried his face in his pillow, trying _not_ to think about anything, but especially not Souji Seta.

* * *

They had lab the next day, although it was yet another boring, droning lecture; Souji still managed to flash Yosuke a smile before class started, and when he looked over a couple of times, he realized that the brunette wasn’t hunched over scribbling like usual, he was taking notes. As class ended, Souji looked up. “Meet at the-”

“-same place.” Yosuke hurried to complete the sentence, as if keeping Souji from actually naming the location; the silver-haired boy raised an eyebrow, but merely nodded. He packed up his books and headed to the next class; the brunette did the same, although it didn’t escape Souji’s notice that he slipped out before most of the rest of the class was ready to leave.

They met, as they had the day before, at the bleachers; Yosuke seemed to be watching for Souji this time, and when the taller boy walked up, he was already climbing to his feet. “Let’s go.”

As with the day before, Yosuke seemed to relax a little the further they got from the school. He still didn’t talk much - although he surprised Souji by asking how his day was - and Souji took the opportunity to talk about his classes; just enough to fill the silence.

The first thing he noticed when he stepped into Yosuke’s apartment was how _lonely_ it was. Besides the occasional spot - some clothes on the washer, a few empty plates in the kitchen - it barely looked lived-in. The brunette barely looked around the room before heading to the fridge.

“Is lemon tea okay? It’s all we have, and I don’t know where the teapot is. I think it’s dirty.”

“That’s fine, thank you.” Souji shifted the bag of supplies from one hand to the other - he’d only brought over what they’d need that day - and he made sure to smile at the brunette when he came back, holding two bottles of tea. Looking awkward, Yosuke rubbed the back of his neck.

“Well, I guess we can head to my room, it’s down the hall.”

Although he couldn’t exactly have pinpointed _why_ , Souji felt like the brunette’s room matched his personality. It was a little messy, but warm and lived-in; it looked like it got a lot more use than the rest of the house, at least. There were CDs all over the dresser and bookshelves, and most of the rest of the shelves were filled with odds-and-ends, a few manga, some comic books, a bunch of music magazines, some figures and model cars. 

Setting the bag of supplies down, Souji carefully dropped his shoulder bag next to it; taking a seat on the couch - after Yosuke waved a hand in that direction - he reached into his school bag, pulling out the CD he’d burned the night before. One half of the disc had “Yosuke Hanamura” written on it; the other half had “Copy of [CD title]”, and the thin case had all of the songs listed out in Souji’s small, neat handwriting.

“Hey, I know you didn’t feel comfortable borrowing this, so… here. Your own copy. This way you don’t have to worry about losing it or whatever.” Souji held it out to the brunette.

Yosuke, meanwhile, froze, looking at the disc with wide eyes; it was clear that he was having to keep himself from physically pulling back, but his name caught his eye, and he slowly reached out to take it. After staring at it for some time, he looked up at Souji; his eyes were still wide, and Souji merely smiled, turning away to pull out his notebook and pencil. Whatever was going on, he didn’t want to make it seem like it was some huge deal. 

_It almost feels like trying to befriend a stray cat_.

As amusing as the idea sounded, however, Souji realized that it was kind of rude to compare Yosuke to an animal; unfortunately, he was starting to wonder if it wasn’t an apt metaphor, knowing how skittish - and often abused - stray animals were. He’d started to listen a little more to the rumours around school, and was a little more confident that he understood some of what the brunette was going through.

Souji was in the middle of sharpening his pencil when Yosuke cleared his throat; the silver-haired boy looked back up to see that the brunette was red-faced, but the CD was sitting on his desk. 

“Uh. Thanks. I’ll listen to it tonight.”

“Yeah, sure.” Souji smiled. “No biggie. I buy a lot of blank CDs, I like to share music, and it seems like we like the same kinda stuff.”

“Y-yeah.” Yosuke looked around. “Maybe we do.”

“All right, let’s see what we can get through today…” Souji pulled open the packet and the look of relief on the brunette’s face, now that they’d changed the subject, did not escape his notice. 

* * *

They got so involved in working that neither of them noticed the time until the streetlight outside Yosuke’s window suddenly flashed on, brightening the room; they both blinked, looking around, and Souji frowned, looking at his phone. “Oh, man, dinner time.”

Yosuke looked a little alarmed at this, but Souji chose to ignore it. “Well, it’s fine, my folks knew I was going to be working at your place on my project, so as long as I’m back before ten or eleven, I should be fine. What do you usually do for dinner?”

He knew he was pushing it, a little, but he also could sense Yosuke’s hesitation; it was clear just how lonely the brunette was, how much he didn’t want to be alone, and Souji really, _really_ wanted to take what time he could to get to know him better. Finally, Yosuke shrugged.

“Instant noodles, I guess. Sometimes I order pizza.”

Souji grimaced at this. “That’s not real food, though.” He looked around. “Hey. Would it be terribly rude if I offered to cook? I mean, you said your dad is never home, right?”

The alarm on Yosuke’s face shifted from mild to full, and he stammered. “N-no, no, it’s- don’t worry about it, no, it’s fine, I-”

“Yosuke.” Souji smiled. “I’m hungry, too, and while you’re more than welcome to send me home, if we eat we can keep working for a bit longer - and I’m enjoying myself.”

The brunette just stared at him when he said this, and Souji widened his smile a little. “We could also just go out and grab something, but that means we wouldn’t be working on our project.”

“Uh…” It was clear that Yosuke was thinking; his shoulders were tense, but finally he exhaled. “If you’re sure… I dunno what’s in the fridge, though.”

“I’ll figure something out.” Souji smiled. He waited for Yosuke to lead him downstairs - he wasn’t so pushy that he was going to just barge in and take over Yosuke’s kitchen, after all - and once they were down, the two started to explore the fridge and cupboards. 

They came away with a decent haul; there was rice, of course, and some instant miso and some green onions to make it into soup that was a little better than instant. Souji put his hand on a block of tofu, but at the grimace on Yosuke’s face, he decided against it; pulling out a couple of carrots and some peppers, the silver-haired boy nodded. “Next time you come over I’ll make you a real meal, but this will do for now.” 

He took two packages of instant noodles and started to soak them while he chopped the vegetables; in the blink of an eye he had the noodles - along with some soy sauce, mirin, and a handful of spices - frying in a pan along with the veggies. He moved on to the miso and rice, taking ample opportunities to toss the noodles and keep them from scorching; within a half-hour, there was a full meal sitting on the table, and Yosuke just stared at it, amazed.

“Holy crap, you _made_ this? With… the stuff we found?”

“Yeah.” Souji smiled, slipping into a seat; with a smile, he opened his notebook. “Mom and dad are late sometimes, and I’ve always loved to cook, so I sometimes experiment.”

"It's really fucking good." Yosuke was already stuffing his mouth; he looked more animated than Souji had yet seen, and the silver-haired boy had to stop himself from smiling - or staring - too openly. Instead, he started to read off lab questions, and the two of them went back to work.

* * *

It was a little before ten before they got to a point where they felt comfortable stopping; Yosuke insisted he’d handle the dishes - it was the least he could do, to say thank you for dinner - so Souji just smiled, gathered his things, and said goodnight. 

When the door closed behind him, Yosuke stood in the hallway, feeling a little lost; after a few moments, however, he shook his head. _Bad feelings, stop it, don’t you fucking dare get involved. It’s not worth it. It’s not. Worth. It._

Still, his inner monologue could only do so much; he spent the entire time doing dishes thinking about the CD Souji had given him. Hurrying upstairs, he grabbed a shower, then slipped the disc into his stereo, falling asleep halfway through the second playthrough, though not before reading Souji’s newest text.

> Tonight was fun. See you tomorrow, partner.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 of Someone to Rely On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I could finish it, but some of these scenes were too important to just gloss over. While it's not exactly a 'slow burn' I'm trying to give the emotions the time they need to develop.
> 
> The _real_ angst train (and fluff finale) comes next chapter. Poor boys, I love you both so much ;;

Souji had practice after class the next day, and although Yosuke gave him a nod of recognition before lab started - more than Souji had gotten yet! - he seemed more withdrawn than usual; Souji didn't push it, but he did text the brunette that night after he'd gone home and gotten a shower.

> My folks are gonna be at a dinner party tomorrow night. Want to come over after lunch?

> We can work and hang out and I'll cook dinner like I promised.

> Please? I'll be here all alone otherwise. I never really get a chance to cook for other people.

It was a long time before he got a reply. He half-expected it to be a rejection, but was pleasantly surprised when it wasn't.

> k. what do I bring

Remembering Yosuke's expression every time Souji offered him anything, the silver-haired boy hmm’d for a moment before responding.

> Whatever drinks you prefer and maybe some snacks. I like melon.

> Is there any food you don't like or can't eat?

> can't eat tofu. fish depends on the meal. sushi is ok but fish heads are creepy

Souji found himself smiling at the text; it was only a few lines, true, but it showed character. _Even if it's just to cook dinner, I'm finally_ learning _something about him._ He started when he received a follow-up text.

> i like orange. see you tomorrow

All-in-all, it was a pretty good night, and Souji went to bed smiling.

* * *

Yosuke showed up the next day promptly at one; he looked nervous, although his expression cleared a little when he realised that Souji _was_ home alone. He had his backpack on, and when they got up to Souji’s room, he pulled a Junes bag out of it; Souji was amused - and a little touched - when Yosuke set out the contents to reveal two melon sodas, a bag of melon-flavoured gummies, and some melon-flavoured cookies as well as his lemon tea and some rice crackers.

They worked through the afternoon, although Souji took the opportunity, when he could, to talk about other things; the conversations never netted more than one or two lines from Yosuke, but he at least participated - a fact which made the silver-haired boy smile.

As the afternoon shadows lengthened, Souji looked up at the clock. “I need to get cooking. Come on down with me?”

Looking a little uncomfortable - but equally as curious - Yosuke followed him down to the kitchen; Souji had already done some prep that morning, so he was able to make small talk as he sliced cabbage and carrots. Taking Yosuke’s food preferences into consideration, he’d decided on shogayaki, and while he was no baker, there was a really good cake store on the corner, so he’d gone down and picked up an orange cream roll cake for dessert.

By the time the pork was sizzling, he almost had the rest of the food ready; turning to set the rice and soup on the table, he found Yosuke watching him with an almost dazed look.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, that- that just smells _amazing_.” He winced a little after saying this, but Souji’s stomach took that opportunity to growl; both boys looked at each other, and Souji started to laugh, and if Yosuke didn’t _laugh_ he at least gave a small smile and let himself relax.

Unlike the day before, Souji had left his notebook in the room; he was determined to actually _talk_ to the brunette this time, so he started some small talk. It took a little bit, but by the time they were eating dessert - granted, the cake might have had something to do with it, given how Yosuke dug into it - the brunette had opened up enough to talk about music and movies.

* * *

Things continued on in the same vein for the next couple of months. Yosuke began to open up to Souji - so slowly that watching day to day showed little-to-no progress, but compared to their first encounter, he would actually sit and talk to Souji over lunch, or after school, even when they weren’t working on their project.

Yosuke found that being with Souji was… comfortable. He never let himself go enough to feel _threatened_ , but the silver-haired boy was quiet and friendly, and somehow felt _safe_ \- although Yosuke was well aware that ‘safe’ was always an illusion - and the best part was that he was _reserved_. There were no bursts of excitement, no exaggerated affection, no arms-over-shoulders or jovial back-slaps that Yosuke had to try to force himself to go along with. Souji certainly cared about things - the brunette could already recognise the particular way the silver-haired boy’s face would brighten whenever they were talking about something he cared about, or when he was excited - but he was quiet even in his excitement, and that was a comfort to Yosuke.

The brunette even found that the quiet wasn’t as bad when Souji was around. He’d already come to terms with the fact that the cyclical, invasive thoughts weren’t ever going to go _away_ \- but they were muted whenever he was in the taller boy’s presence. They came back, of course, when Yosuke went home to his empty apartment - but even then it sometimes took hours for them to show up, and sometimes he was too busy working or writing for them to get much purchase. When they were bad, they were still _very_ bad, but he expected as much. It was a relief just to get _some_ respite.

* * *

About three months into their acquaintance - Souji, if asked, might refer to it as a _friendship_ , though the thought would never have dared cross Yosuke’s mind - Souji was leaving school to head for practice. He hadn’t seen Yosuke that afternoon - sometimes they met up on the roof to talk for a bit even when they weren’t going to get together for homework or their project - but he had hopes he’d find the brunette at the bleachers, perhaps writing.

He was a little worried when he didn’t find Yosuke there, either, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it; the two didn’t speak every day or anything, although it made Souji a little sad when that happened, and he couldn’t assume that Yosuke didn’t have other things to do on occasion.

Souji was just passing an alley on his way to practice when he heard a noise; it sounded like it was coming from the industrial-sized trash cans lining the wall behind the corner konbini, as if there was an animal or something trapped inside one of the bins. Although he knew it was more than likely a cat, Souji couldn’t stop a troubled feeling from forming in the pit of his stomach; hurrying down the alley, he got to the row of cans just as one of them shook again, as if whatever was inside was trying to get free.

Jerking off the lid, he found his worst fears realised; Yosuke had been shoved into the trash can - head-first, somehow - and while the brunette wasn’t saying anything, he was definitely trying to get free. When the lid came off, however, he froze; Souji realised that if he couldn’t see, he probably thought his tormentors had come back - likely the reason he hadn’t been calling for help. He’d been too afraid.

Taking a deep breath to keep the anger out of his voice, Souji softly called, “Yosuke, it’s me, Souji. Hang on, I’m going to help get you out.”

If anything, this seemed to upset the brunette even _more_ \- he started to thrash, and Souji had to grab one of his ankles and tell him to _stop it!_ \- but eventually Souji got the can onto its side so that he could help Yosuke get free. As soon as the brunette was out of the trash can and mobile, he jumped to his feet, jerking away from Souji; the silver-haired boy found himself speaking quietly, as if trying to soothe a terrified animal, as he slowly started to pick what pieces of trash he could off Yosuke’s uniform and out of his hair.

Meanwhile, a cold rage started to burn in his stomach; once he’d picked the last cold noodle off the brunette’s shoulder, he clenched his fist.

“Who, Yosuke? Who did this?”

* * *

Yosuke wanted nothing more than to run away, but he hadn’t found his bookbag yet - and Souji was standing between him and the alley entrance, which meant he’d have to dash around the taller boy, or risk knocking him over. He pulled back, his heart hammering - _oh god why did he have to see me like this?_ \- but Souji just spoke his name quietly, reaching out to start cleaning pieces of trash off his uniform.

As the gentle touches moved to his hair - carefully removing bits of paper, fruit peels, and old produce stickers - Yosuke found himself calming down enough to finally breathe. His first action was to reach for the headphones around his neck; with a sigh of relief, he realised that they were ok - probably dirty, but they could be cleaned. He’d had to do it more than once already. He’d just turned to see if his bookbag was in the trash can as well when Souji spoke.

“Who, Yosuke? Who did this?”

At the silver-haired boy’s tone, Yosuke froze; it was cold, and angry, and _oh god, he’s mad at me now, I knew this was going to happen, and_ -

A hand touched his shoulder, and he whirled around; contrary to what he expected, however, there was a soft, _gentle_ look in Souji’s eyes that the brunette gaped at for a moment before realising that Souji- Souji wasn’t mad at _him_. He was mad at the bullies.

This made everything feel even more complicated.

Finally, Souji asked again who had done it; the implications of the question finally filtered through Yosuke’s confusion and his eyes widened as he shook his head, quickly turning away.

_Of course I can’t tell him, they’ll just make things worse and it’s not like he can stop them anyway, and-_

“Yosuke. Please tell me?”

At the emotion in Souji’s voice, Yosuke - who’d finally found his bookbag - looked up, feeling perturbed; there was an expression on Souji’s face that he couldn’t place, and he shook his head.

“Don’t- just _don’t_. It’ll only make things worse, and you don’t need to get involved with them.”

His voice was trembling, and Souji sucked in a sharp breath. Finally, the silver-haired boy spoke again.

“Okay, I won’t confront them or anything, I promise.” He took a deep breath. “But will you at least let me know who to watch out for?”

Yosuke blinked at this question. _That’s right, he’s only been here since the beginning of the year._ It made a certain amount of sense, so he slowly mumbled a handful of names, staring down at his hands. This meant that he missed the murderous anger that flashed across Souji’s face, but it was just as well.

As he finally got all of his belongings sorted out, Souji waited patiently; after a few minutes, the brunette looked up, a puzzled expression on his face.

“Don’t you have to go somewhere?”

Souji shrugged. “I’m going to walk you home, first.”

Pulling back, Yosuke shook his head. “No, you shouldn’t-”

“Yosuke.” Souji’s voice was low, but there was an iron to his tone that the brunette had never heard before, so he quieted down. “I’m going to walk you home. I don’t believe it’s safe and I’m not going to send you out there alone in case those assholes are waiting.”

A little voice inside Yosuke’s head started to cry at this. _Just stop it, stop acting like you care, stop acting like that, don’t say that, don’t_ do _that, just stop it, please stop it_. The expression on Souji’s face never changed, however, and eventually Yosuke exhaled. He didn’t say anything, just followed the taller boy out of the alley; neither of them talked this time, but Souji walked at Yosuke’s side the entire way back to the brunette’s apartment and even up to his door. Yosuke fumbled with his keys, finally getting the door open; before he could dash inside, however, Souji put out a hand.

“Yosuke, I’m- I won’t push you to tell me anything you don’t feel comfortable with.” There was a quiet, almost _sad_ note to the taller boy’s voice, and he took a deep breath. “But I _am_ here. I’m always willing to talk, about anything, anytime you want. You can tell me anything, I promise.”

For a second, the thought _is this what it’s like to have someone to rely on_ flashed through Yosuke’s mind; he shook his head, however, just mumbling an agonized, “thanks” before stumbling inside, although he did shoot Souji a grateful glance before shutting the door.

* * *

It took him some time to get himself - and all of his belongings - clean, and his mind was a cacophony of confused and contrary thoughts the entire time. Chief, of course, were the usual chants of how worthless and pathetic he was, but just under them ran a mish-mash of emotions and memories; the feel of Souji’s fingers in his hair, the gentle look in the silver-haired boy’s eyes, his anger - amazingly not directed towards the brunette - and even his last words, that he’d always be willing to talk.

Unsurprisingly, Souji sent him a text that night asking how he was; although a voice in Yosuke’s mind told him to ignore it and not answer, he found himself sending back a short - if grateful - response that he was okay, and his headphones weren’t broken, so there was nothing to worry about.

The two had already made plans to get together and work on their project the next day; Yosuke was half-tempted to skip on it, but he’d never missed an afternoon with Souji yet, and some part of him was loath to start now. It was hard enough to get through the day, especially with the bullies all being in his homeroom, but he managed; it helped that Souji’s words from the night before kept playing through his head.

_You can tell me anything, I promise. I’m always willing to talk, about anything, anytime._

After school, he found Souji waiting for him outside his classroom; the boy’s presence surprised him, but it meant that he didn’t have to choose whether or not to go to Souji’s apartment or skip that afternoon, and part of him was grateful for having the choice made _for_ him, as he had too much on his mind already.

* * *

It had been hard for Souji to accept his promise to Yosuke, that he wouldn’t just confront the bullies and deal with them. He knew, however, that it would ruin the brunette’s trust in him - what little Yosuke had, Souji still wasn’t sure exactly to what extent - and although he wasn’t going to let the situation continue indefinitely, he knew he didn’t know everything. Nor was it his place to intervene - no matter how much he found himself wanting to - without talking to Yosuke first.

He was going to do what he could to prevent such a thing from happening again, at least. Waiting for Yosuke outside his homeroom, he was glad to see that the brunette didn’t seem too upset to see him; he’d been afraid that he would have tried to run away in embarrassment, or try to skip out on their plans, but Yosuke just looked down at the floor, shifted his newly-cleaned backpack, then nodded to Souji and followed him off the school grounds.

It was clear that the brunette had something on his mind the entire walk to Souji’s apartment. He followed the silver-haired boy up to his room, taking a seat with mechanical motions; Souji was just pulling his notebook out of his bag when Yosuke gave a long, shaky sigh.

“That wasn’t the first time, you know.”

Slowly, the brunette’s story came out; it wasn’t really in order, and sometimes the ideas were a little jumbled, but it was clear to Souji that it was the first time he’d ever _talked_ about it, so Souji just sat, listening - although his heart sank lower the more Yosuke talked.

In itself, sadly, the story wasn’t really unique; Yosuke had been singled out for whatever reason when he first got to the school the year before. At first, it had just been jeers and name-calling; slowly, it evolved into classroom-level pranks, and then all of the sudden, towards the end of the prior year, it had turned into something truly violent. Since then, Yosuke really never knew whether or not he was going to get made fun of or beat up; he had no recourse, so all he could do was try to get from day to day without getting too badly hurt.

Everything made too much sense to Souji now; it was why Yosuke tried to get off the school grounds as soon as possible on days they were going to meet up, or on days they weren’t, why he hid on the roof or in one of his handful of hidey-holes. It was why he wouldn’t talk about the bleachers where anyone could hear him, since he didn’t want them to track him _there_ , too.

When the brunette finally finished speaking - staring at his hands - Souji took a shaky breath. “Why haven’t you _told_ anyone? Surely the teachers-”

“Don’t give a shit?” Yosuke looked up, a bitter twist on his face. “Do you _really_ think they don’t know what’s going on? They don’t care. It’s not like they get paid enough to deal with that kind of shit, and to be honest, they’re probably grateful that it keeps the assholes busy.”

It was awful, but Souji knew he was right. A stunned expression on his face, he looked down at his hands; his heart hurt, he wanted to punch something - or someone, and he knew who - and he wanted to reach out and hug Yosuke and tell him that it would be okay, but that- that would be bad. Even Souji knew _that_. Especially since Souji _couldn’t_ promise that it would be okay, although he was already making resolutions in his heart.

* * *

When Yosuke finished his story, he slowly looked up; the blank, _stunned_ expression on Souji’s face surprised him, and he fought back the odd, warm feeling that tried to worm its way through his anxiety when he realized just how upset Souji _was_ about the whole thing. Souji said one or two foolish things about trying to let someone know - _as if anybody cared, or has a right to help me_ \- but it was his next words that made Yosuke’s shoulders jump, and an odd feeling wrap around his heart.

“If anything happens again like that, _come find me_.”

With a bitter ache, Yosuke shook his head. _It’s nice of him to offer, but I’m not going to get him involved. It’s not like I don’t deserve it, anyway_. This clearly frustrated Souji, but he just gave Yosuke a cryptic glance before sighing, and rubbing his forehead. At least he wasn’t _mad_ at the brunette.

The conversation put a bit of a damper on their work, but Yosuke was surprised to find that Souji treated him… _normally_ … afterwards. There was still an occasional deep breath, a flash of sympathy in his eyes, but he didn’t try to coddle Yosuke, nor did he try to force the brunette to talk about it any more than he wanted to.

Yosuke went home that afternoon in a fog of confusion and anxiety. The thoughts were back, as strong as ever; they’d changed their tune, however, and instead of berating him for being worthless, pathetic, and a waste of space, they touched on something far more terrifying.

_Ahahaha stupid loser Yosuke has a cruuush~ look at you worrying about Souji, look at you caring what he thinks. As if you have a chance! You don’t have anything he’d want. Souji deserves to be with the school princess and you’re… just a trash prince._

Clenching his hands, he huddled against the side of his bed, trying to fill the smallest amount of space that he could manage. _I don’t have a crush! I’m just being stupid and needy because he’s a little bit nice to me. That’s all! It’s nothing! I’m never going to have a crush on - or fall in love with - anybody ever again, I’m not stupid!_ Blinking his eyes, he tried _not_ to think back to the year before - but his brain was a traitor, and he found himself remembering Isao and the look on the boy’s face when Yosuke - blinded by the fact that he had a _friend_ who _cared_ about him - made the mistake of admitting that he had a crush on the guy.

Yosuke was long-since over Isao - not hard to do when the guy and his friends were prone to beating the shit out of the brunette whenever they could get him alone - but he could still see the shock on Isao’s face, followed by the boy’s panicked, hysterical laughter as he lashed out at Yosuke. He’d beaten the brunette up pretty badly, all the while mocking him for thinking they were actually friends - or _more_ \- when Isao had only cared about the fact that Yosuke’s father worked at Junes and could get them discounts and freebies.

The brunette’s panic attack was a long, exhausting one, and he fell asleep that night huddled under his blankets, still repeating to himself that he didn’t care about Souji, he’d _never_ care about Souji, he _couldn’t_ care about Souji.

* * *

Meanwhile, Souji found himself sitting in his room, staring out the window long after Yosuke had left. Seeing the brunette so miserable, so lonely had the silver-haired boy at a loss; his wish to protect his friend, to comfort him was overwhelming, and he didn’t know _what_ to do. It was clear that Yosuke didn’t think he could _be_ saved - if he even wanted to be, as it wasn’t unusual for victims of bullying to feel like they deserved the pain - and the fact that Yosuke felt so low about himself _hurt_.

The worst part was that Souji didn’t know if he could save Yosuke, either. It was obvious that the teachers weren’t going to stop it; he could go to his parents, or Yosuke’s father, but who knew what that would achieve? Souji’s parents could pull him out of school and send him to a better one, but something told him that Yosuke’s father didn’t have that kind of income - and if Souji left, he could only imagine how much worse things would get for the brunette.

It wasn’t like he could confront the bullies, either. Well, he _could_ \- but he didn’t know much about them, didn’t know what they were capable of, and one false step could make things a thousand times worse for Yosuke. It might make things bad for him, too - but although the idea made Souji a little apprehensive, compared to what the brunette was going through it was nothing, and he wouldn’t have let that stop him if it was the only downside.

In the end, he reluctantly decided to not do anything - although he vowed to himself that he wouldn't stand by if they tried to hurt Yosuke again. The most he allowed himself was to send Yosuke a brief message that he supported him no matter what, although he wasn't surprised to not receive a response.

Souji's sleep was troubled that night, haunted by sad amber eyes and the desperate hope that this wasn't the final straw that pushed Yosuke away for good.

* * *

The next few weeks were strained between the two, although Yosuke - oddly enough - never actually tried to push Souji _away_ ; he just grew quiet again, almost like he'd been when they first started working on their project. Now, however, he wasn't scrunch-shouldered and suspicious, he just seemed… sad. It broke Souji's heart a little more every day.

In the end, it was the project that brought them back together again. They were almost done with it, and they _had_ to participate - and for all of Yosuke's pain and confusion, he wasn't going to throw their grade and mess things up for Souji. They continued to work together, despite the brunette’s initial discomfort; Souji just carefully acted the same as he always had, making quiet conversation, sharing his thoughts freely, and slowly Yosuke started to warm back up to him.

Slowly, Yosuke started to come to terms with the realisation that he was, in fact, in love with Souji. The only thing that made it okay was the fact that he knew better, this time, than to say anything; while the brunette didn’t think Souji was going to turn on him like Isao had, he knew that there was no way Souji would feel the same way about him - and, even if he did, Yosuke had no business being with someone like Souji. Souji was good, and kind, and didn’t need to drag himself down with a loser like Yosuke.

Strangely enough, these thoughts made it easier for Yosuke to be around Souji. He _knew_ how worthless he was, and it was almost as if he felt safer being _near_ the silver-haired boy, as if his presence somehow helped remind the brunette of his place in the world. At the same time, he found himself enjoying their time together; although he didn’t deserve _that_ , either, somehow it seemed to make the silver-haired boy happy… so Yosuke allowed himself the indulgence, feeling grateful that he even had someone like Souji in his life.

* * *

It was a combination of things that eventually sealed his trust in Souji. The first was Souji’s complete disinterest in Yosuke’s father’s job; even after the brunette _knew_ Souji knew of the connection, it was never anything the silver-haired boy mentioned, not even when they talked about shopping, or clothes, or picking up supplies for the project. In fact, Yosuke even went out of his way to invite Souji to go with him, one day; they made their way through department after department without Souji picking up a single thing to buy, and when Yosuke finally - hesitantly - offered his discount if there was anything his friend wanted, Souji just shook his head, saying “Thanks for the offer, but I didn’t come here to shop. I just wanted to hang out with you.”

The second was Souji’s habit of never, ever pushing Yosuke to do or say more than he felt comfortable with. One day in early January, as the project’s end drew near, they were discussing how best to put everything together; Souji was grimacing as he kept trying to write up an introductory report, continually crossing out words and rewriting phrases until Yosuke hesitantly spoke up.

“I… could try, if you want? I like writing.”

With a surprised expression, Souji looked up. “Huh? Oh, of course. Please. God, please, I _suck_ at this.” He passed the packet across with a quiet chuckle, which Yosuke returned via a tiny smile; the brunette read through the outline Souji had put together, as well as the instructions, and after thinking for a few moments, started to write.

It wasn’t long, so it didn’t take him much time; once he was done, he reread it, scratched through and changed a few words, and then pushed the packet back to Souji. He couldn’t help waiting a little impatiently as his friend read it - if there was _anything_ Yosuke had any confidence in at all, it was his writing - but he still found himself going speechless with embarrassment when Souji looked up with an admiring expression on his face.

“Wow, Yosuke, this is _really_ good. It’s perfect!”

“I just like writing,” Yosuke mumbled. “I do it a lot.”

“Yeah.” Souji smiled, looking back down at the few paragraphs for a moment before carefully slipping the packet back into his notebook. “I’ve noticed. I always wondered what you were writing, to be honest.”

With anyone else, Yosuke would have clammed up and withdrawn; with Souji, however, things were different. The silver-haired boy’s tone was casual; it was clear that he’d meant what he’d said, but he was treating it as just something matter-of-fact, not using it to try to coax Yosuke into sharing anything. That, in turn, made Yosuke fidget; remembering the look of admiration on Souji’s face, he slowly reached into his bookbag.

After flipping through his notebook to make sure that it _wasn’t_ the one he used to write stupid, cheesy, _worthless_ poems about silver eyes and gentle smiles, he hesitantly pushed it across the table. “I, uh. I don’t- I write songs. Well, they could be songs. And sometimes short stories.”

The look on Souji’s face was one that Yosuke couldn’t quite place; for a second he thought he’d done something wrong, but then the silver-haired boy was opening the notebook with a touch that was almost reverent, and Yosuke found himself blushing furiously as he wondered _why_ he’d just handed Souji one of the biggest secrets he had.

He’d expected Souji to flip through, say a few general words of praise, and then give the notebook back; he wasn’t expecting his friend to actually treat it _seriously_. He turned the pages slowly, clearly reading a paragraph here and there; he stopped at some of Yosuke’s shorter stories and actually _read_ them in their entirety, and Yosuke didn’t know where to look or what to do.

Finally, Souji looked up. “These are really good, Yosuke.” His voice was quiet, and there was a note of respect that Yosuke couldn’t write off, no matter how much he felt he didn’t deserve it, and the silver-haired boy smiled. “I like this story.”

He pointed to a short science-fiction piece Yosuke had scribbled one afternoon a few weeks before; there wasn’t anything embarrassing in it, but the brunette still found himself flushing. “I don’t- I mean, it’s not much, but… thanks.”

“Of course. I’d really like to read anything else you want to share. You know how much I love to read.” Souji handed the notebook back to Yosuke, who took it with a heart full of confusion - _he’s treating my stories like actual…_ books _… something he wants to read for fun, how is that even_ \- - but Souji just smiled and turned back to their lab questions like nothing had happened, and he _always_ did that, and Yosuke had no words to say how much he appreciated it, how Souji always backed off, gave him whatever room he needed, never pushed for reactions or responses.

 _That_ was what finally cemented his trust in Souji.

* * *

A few weeks later their project was finally complete. They just had to paint the backdrop sign and put the last placard together; while they weren’t going to have to present it to class - a fact for which Yosuke was _immensely_ grateful - they did have to display it in the library, for a grade.

They were at Yosuke’s apartment this time. Yosuke was carefully drawing words onto the backdrop with a pencil and stencils as Souji came behind him with a paintbrush to fill them in; halfway through, Yosuke realised he’d made a mistake on one of the previous words, so he turned quickly to change it before Souji got to it. Souji, however, was right behind him; when Yosuke turned he bumped the silver-haired boy, who ended up losing his balance and falling, face first, against the letters he’d already painted. After a loud ‘Ooof!’ he groaned, rolling over to look up at the brunette.

For a second, Yosuke froze. Souji’s stomach sank, as he knew that the brunette was probably about to retreat into himself, as he did any time he made a mistake; however, before he could push himself into a sitting position to assure Yosuke that no, really, it was okay, the brunette broke out into peals of laughter.

“Oh- oh my god… Souji… there’s… there’s a giant s on your cheek and it’s- _snicker_ \- so funny, and-”

As Yosuke covered his mouth, trying to stifle his laughter, Souji just found himself staring. The brunette’s laughter was so clear, so _open_ , that Souji finally realised that _this_ was the real Yosuke, the boy who didn’t have to worry about bullies and being hurt and hated. As the brunette’s laughter finally wound down - and he scrambled to find a towel so that Souji could clean off his face - Souji took one look into Yosuke’s bright eyes and felt his heart clench.

 _I love him so much. It doesn’t matter if he’s sad, scared, hurt, or happy - I love him. But this -_ this _is the Yosuke I want to see, that I want to protect. I would give everything I have to see him like this every day, see him smiling, see him_ happy _. I have to do something. I have to protect him. I have to make things right._

He was quiet when the brunette finally came back with a wet towel and a hand mirror; giving Yosuke a quiet smile - not wanting to scare the brunette’s good mood away, not now that it was finally in the open - Souji sat down to clean off his face, and then they finished up the rest of the painting.

They were sitting at the table an hour or so later, drinking tea - Yosuke had found the teapot, apparently, and washed it - when Souji looked over.

“Yosuke, can I- can I ask you something?” The brunette looked at him with a raised eyebrow, and Souji took a deep breath. “You don’t have to answer, and if the question bothers you I’d rather you just pretend I never asked, but… _why_ did the bullies at school suddenly start getting violent? I know there doesn’t _have_ to be a reason, I was just wondering if there was.”

At these words, Yosuke grew very still. Souji winced, about to say something - _anything_ \- to try to make it better, but before he could, the brunette gave a heavy sigh.

“You have to promise you won’t hate me.”

It was an ominous beginning, but Souji - especially knowing Yosuke’s self-loathing as he did - couldn’t believe that the brunette had actually done anything _wrong_. Without hesitating, he nodded. “Of course. I promise.”

Clenching his hands around his mug, Yosuke looked down into the amber tea. “I- I used to be friends with Isao. Or, at least, I thought we were friends. I even… I even…” He closed his eyes, swallowing. “I even had a crush on him. It wasn’t until I confessed that he told me he’d only been hanging out with me because he could get freebies and cheap stuff at Junes.”

His voice was little more than a whisper by this point, and it took everything Souji had to keep from reaching out to put his arms around the brunette - a feeling that was probably encouraged by the stunning revelation that Yosuke _liked guys_ and _oh my god does that mean I have a chance some day_. The silver-haired boy kept a tight lid on his inner thoughts, however, and merely bit his lip.

“Yosuke, that’s… _awful_. I can’t imagine how much it must have hurt.”

Giving a weak nod, Yosuke refused to meet Souji’s eyes. “It didn’t hurt as much as when he beat me up, though. He then started accusing me of stealing things, like CDs he’d loaned me, and he kept threatening me and I just… gave him whatever he wanted to shut him up.” He exhaled. “He took his stuff back, and a bunch of my CDs and DVDs, and my portable game system - not like I was in any shape to stop him - and left. I’d hoped that was the end of it, but ever since then…”

“My god.” The exclamation was almost an exhale, and Yosuke looked up; the look of pain and sympathy and anger in Souji’s eyes caused his own eyes to widen for a moment, but then he just looked away, his face twisted in pain.

“It’s- not a big deal, you know? It was my fault, anyway. It’s- look, let’s just… dammit.” Reaching up, he wiped the tears from his eyes before shaking his head. “I’m sorry, Souji, please go home.”

Wincing, Souji frowned. “Yosuke, I don’t- you have to know, I don’t blame you, I don’t-”

“I _know_.” The brunette’s voice was shaky. “I… know. I just… need to be alone. I’m not gonna run away. I just… need…”

“I understand, Yosuke.” Souji took a deep breath, standing up as he gathered his things, putting them into his shoulder bag. “If you need anything-”

“Yeah.” Yosuke didn’t look at him, although he nodded. “I will.”

Souji insisted that he could find his way out, but Yosuke still walked him to the door, although he didn’t look up, and only nodded when Souji said goodbye. As the silver-haired boy walked away, he expected to hear the door shut, but never did; when he reached the elevator, he turned back to see Yosuke still standing in the doorway with a lost, _lonely_ expression that tore at Souji’s heart. When their eyes met, the brunette’s cheeks flared crimson and he jerked back inside, hurriedly closing the door.

The only thing that made it even remotely okay was the fact that Souji got a string of texts on his way home.

> sorry for kicking you out

> i just need some time

> thank you for not hating me

> i’ll see you tomorrow Souji


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ch 3 (last) of Someone to Rely On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaahhhhhh so much fluff and angst. Finally! This was what I've been wanting to write for _three days_ and it's every bit as satisfying as I hoped it would be.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it, too.

The next day Yosuke was back to normal, a fact for for which Souji was profoundly grateful. While ‘normal’ only meant that Yosuke didn’t ignore him and would talk to him without retreating to his headphones, it was more than Souji had hoped; he did notice, however, that the brunette never really smiled again after that - nor did he laugh. As Yosuke's laughing spell had been a one-time event, however, Souji wasn’t sure if it was due to the conversation they’d had, or if it was just back-to-business, as the brunette was still firmly entrenched in his shell. 

Either way, it made Souji sad. Having come to terms with the fact that he was head-over-heels in love with Yosuke, he couldn’t stop thinking about the brunette’s smile, his laugh, or daydreaming about how it would feel to spend more time together, what it would be like to reach out and _hold_ Yosuke, tell him just how amazing he really was. Every time Souji saw Yosuke frown, or shrink away, he just wanted to do whatever it took to help him realise that he was the light of Souji’s life and that the silver-haired boy was never happier than when the two of them were together. 

Of course, he had no idea how Yosuke felt about _him_. He was very aware of the fact that his relationship with Yosuke was tenuous; _he_ thought they were friends, and it seemed like Yosuke trusted him to some extent - for which he was deeply grateful - but the chance that he had feelings for Souji, especially after everything he’d been through, was so, so miniscule. Would a confession scare him away? And even if he did like Souji back, wouldn’t it just make Yosuke an even greater target for bullies?

On the other hand, though, if Yosuke liked him - and they started dating - Souji would have more room to protect him, more chances to step in and help the brunette, to make him happy. He’d been studying the bullies who’d made it their goal to ruin Yosuke’s life and destroy his confidence; he’d determined that they were nothing more than lazy, dissolute delinquents and he was certain, by now, that he’d be able to defend against them, easily. 

_If only Yosuke would let him._

Souji went back and forth for weeks trying to decide whether or not he dared say anything to the brunette. Finally, as Valentine’s Day rolled around, he decided to go for it; it might be stupid, but he _really_ wanted to be with Yosuke, wanted to do everything he could to make the brunette smile.  He’d just have to do everything he could not to worry Yosuke when he confessed.

Having made up his mind, he thought long and hard about what to do; while he would love to give the brunette chocolates and flowers - _and maybe (just maybe) some day, he could_ , whispered a little voice in his head - that was probably not the best way to start out. Remembering, however, how much Yosuke liked music, Souji sat down the night before Valentine’s Day and started to sort through his music collection; he had to be careful, every song choice had to be _perfect_ because he didn’t want to give Yosuke any sort of the wrong idea. 

Once his playlist was complete and the disc was burning, Souji turned to the hardest part of his plan - the written half. He hadn’t lied when he’d told Yosuke he sucked at writing; words came easier to him when he was talking, but whenever he had to write them down on paper, his mind just blanked. Still, Yosuke liked to write, and it would be a lot easier to just… confess and then give him a note that said so much more, and that would be more private, too. So he bit the bullet, spending an entire evening putting together something that he hoped didn’t sound _too_ terrible.

Finally, he had what he thought was an okay letter; he took the time to copy it out onto nice paper, and then wrote out a song list insert for the CD. Slipping everything into his backpack, he went to bed, praying that the next day would go well.

* * *

Valentine’s Day was grey and rainy, and Yosuke dreaded the day so much that he almost decided to stay home. He’d never cared much for the holiday even before he’d come to this school - after all, it wasn’t like he’d ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend, and he’d never been the kind of lucky guy to find random chocolates in his shoe locker - but it had just gotten worse since he’d gotten to high school. Still, there wasn’t anything else for him to do except stay home, and that plan really didn’t have any charms, so he stuffed his hands into his pockets and headed to school, scrunching his shoulders against the rain. 

From the first moment he got into the building, the day sucked. He got to his shoe locker just in time to see Souji putting his sneakers away; when the silver-haired boy opened his locker door, several small, wrapped bundles fell out, and that was just salt on Yosuke’s wounds. It was only marginally better that Souji seemed as startled as he was, and looked disinclined to keep any of the anonymous gifts, but still - it didn’t make the brunette feel good at all. 

Throughout the day he had to deal with whispers and giggles and simpering couples; they were everywhere he looked, and it just made him feel sick. Eventually he escaped to one of his hidey holes - since the roof would just be a soggy mess that day - and he skipped the last few classes as he sat in the semi-dark of an old supply closet with his notebook, trying to lose himself in his writing. 

By the time he realised how late it was, school had been out for several hours; it was late enough that the bullies had more than likely gone home - or at least left the school grounds - so he gathered his things, zipped up his hoodie, and headed outside.

He was startled to see Souji sitting on the steps outside; the silver-haired boy had never just sat around before, and by the look on his face when Yosuke walked out, he’d been waiting for the brunette. He had a nervous expression that made Yosuke feel cagey; watching his friend warily, he shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Why are you still here?”

“I, uh… I was waiting for you.” There was an odd note to his voice and Yosuke raised an eyebrow; as he did, Souji - who looked cold and damp, as if he’d been waiting since school got out - started to dig through his shoulder bag. After a moment, he brought out a thin CD case and an envelope; Yosuke could see his name written across the front of each in Souji’s neat handwriting, and then the silver-haired boy was holding them out to him.

Not understanding what was going on, Yosuke took the items in some confusion; before he could ask, however, he realised that Souji was blushing, and that his hands were actually _shaking_. “You, uh… no, wait, I-” He took a deep breath. “I know it’s kind of a cliché day to do this, but the thing is that I like-”

As the silver-haired boy was speaking, Yosuke slowly realised what was going on; a horrified expression crossed his face and he jerked back, dropping the CD case and the envelope as if they’d burned him. _No no no no this can’t be happening… is he trying to make fun of me? Trying to trick me? Did someone put him up to this, to see how I’d react? Is this another chance to try to get Yosuke to make a fool of himself? Oh my god, I told him about Isao, and now he’s using that to make fun of me?_

Souji abruptly stopped speaking when the brunette dropped the gifts he’d been given; a range of expressions flashed across his face - everything from shock to fear to pain - but Yosuke was spiraling into an anxiety attack, and he just put his hands up to his face. 

“I- what the hell? You’re trying to trick me, aren’t you? You heard my sob story and now you’re trying to make fun of me for liking guys. How could you, Souji? _How could you?_ You’re just like the rest!” 

His whole body was shaking as he lashed out, kicking the CD case as far away from himself as he could; it rolled down the steps and off to the side, ending up underneath one of the muddy bushes that lined the school building. It looked as if the case might have cracked, but he didn’t care. The letter flew off - he didn’t see where, and didn’t care - and Souji had already pulled back, a look of pain and horror on his face. 

“Yosuke, I didn’t- I would _never_ -”

But fear had already gripped the brunette, who felt his trust in Souji waver; this confused him, _hurt_ him, and he didn’t know how to react - so he put up a wall, stepping away from the silver-haired boy. It probably wouldn’t have hit him so badly if he hadn’t been in love with Souji; he _was_ , however, and there was no possible reality in which his feelings could have a favourable outcome, so it _had_ to be a trick.

“Don’t- just… don’t ever talk to me again!” 

At these words, an expression of agonizing heartbreak spread across Souji’s face; he stepped back, looking as if he’d just been shot, and it _hurt_ Yosuke, but the brunette was already in self-defense mode. He was only able to think with his anxiety by that point, and his anxiety told him he had to _get away, get out of there as soon as possible_. Putting his hands over his face, Yosuke dashed off, running as fast as he could towards the school gate.

He didn’t see Souji give one last look after him, shoulders slumping, then slowly start heading home as his tears mixed with the rain on his face. 

* * *

Souji stood in the rain, watching Yosuke run off, as his heart shattered. While he'd expected that Yosuke would probably reject him, he hadn't even had the slightest thought that the brunette would react so strongly, would accuse him of… _tricking_ him, of making fun of him. Clearly Yosuke didn't trust Souji as much as he'd thought, and the realisation broke his heart.

He slept, but only after taking some over-the-counter sleep aids; his dreams were awful, and he woke up with a sick stomach. The second he remembered the day before, his heart plummeted; he felt miserable, as if the world had lost its colour, and it was all he could do to choke down some toast before school.

Stepping into the building, it seemed as if everybody was whispering; he ignored them, not caring about anything, but once he got to his locker and saw the piece of paper taped to it, he realised what the whispers were about. As he looked at it, something inside him snapped; his frown changed to a bitter smile as he ripped the paper off his locker, wadding it up and throwing it into the nearest trash can.

 _If Yosuke already hates me, well - that means there’s nothing stopping me now_.

He hurried upstairs to Yosuke’s homeroom; gritting his teeth in frustration, he realised that they weren’t there, so - not caring whether he made it to class or not - he started off through the school to find them. He wasn’t nearly as familiar with the nooks and hiding places as Yosuke was, so it was almost break time by the time he found Isao and his buddies hanging out behind the building.

When he stepped outside, there was a round of raucous laughter. “Look, it’s the Trash Prince’s Damsel in Distress!” 

Isao sneered at Souji. “Got a problem, loser?”

“Yeah. I’ve got a problem with the way you’ve been treating Yosuke Hanamura. I’m here to tell you to stop it, or I’ll make you.”

At these words, the whole group ‘oooh’d’ at the same time before laughing; the bullies that had been lounging around jumped to their feet, and suddenly Souji was surrounded. “Look at this, boys. Seems like we’ve got a new toy to play with.” Isao grinned, and his buddies laughed. “Guess you haven’t learned your lesson from how we handled Hanamura - but that’s okay. We’ll do you like we did him.”

There was a noise behind him; Souji spun around just in time to see one of the bullies coming at him, a feral grin on his face, fists already out.

* * *

The night, needless to say, was not a good one for Yosuke. He got no sleep - the voices were louder than ever, screaming at him about all of his failures, how pathetic he was to have gotten drawn into yet another person’s schemes - and he spent the entire night curled into a ball, tears streaming down his face. He got ready the next morning on autopilot; first period was already in progress by the time he dragged himself onto the school grounds. The only benefit to that was that he didn’t have to worry about seeing Souji.

Yosuke was just walking up the school steps when something glinted in his peripheral vision, off to one side; turning his head, he realised that the CD Souji had handed him was still sitting under the bush below the drain pipe. Every voice in his head told him to leave it, let it go; he was already moving, however, and he bent over to pick it up. 

The first thing he noticed was how neat Souji’s handwriting was; he was used to it, but it brought a pain of familiarity this time. He remembered the first CD Souji had given him - this one was organised much the same way - but as he looked over the list he found he recognised at least half of the songs on it, and every single one of them was a sweet, warm love song. 

As doubt crept into his fog of anxiety, he slowly tucked the case into his pocket. Walking into the building, he was immediately greeted by the sight of papers taped up to the walls and doors; a sick feeling in his stomach, he hurried over to be greeted by the sight of a photocopied letter that started with “Dear Yosuke” and ended up with “Yours hopefully, Souji”. Each paper had something different scrawled across the top - from “Souji Seta is a loser!” to “lololol Pathetic!” to even worse insults - and a cold fear gripped his heart as he ripped it off the wall. 

_This is what I didn't want to happen… they’re going after_ him _, now!_

Feeling panicked, he started to run through the halls, tearing every copy he could off the walls - some of the slurs written on the papers made him feel _sick_ \- and just as he was grabbing them out of the stairwell, the bell rang to signify class change. He looked around, wondering if he should go find Souji; starting to head up to the second floor, where the second-year classrooms were, he was suddenly surprised by a shout of “Fight! There’s a fight out back!” 

Terror filled his veins as he stuffed the photocopies in his arms into the trash can - keeping just one, which he crumpled up and shoved into his pocket - and he raced downstairs with the rest of the students, heading for the back of the building.

He shoved his way through the crowd just in time to see Souji - with blood on his face and a torn uniform sleeve - in a fighting stance, facing off against two of the bullies, one of which was Isao; the first thing Yosuke realised was that at least four were already on the ground, groaning and holding their arms or stomachs, or just laying completely still. The second thing was that Souji seemed to know exactly what he was doing; one of the bullies charged him, swinging, and the silver-haired boy merely stepped to one side, put his hand out to grab the guy’s fist, then let the momentum carry through as he brought his other arm down onto his opponent’s elbow, dropping the guy to the ground. One of the bullies he’d already dropped tried to grab his leg and trip him; Souji just spun out of his grasp and then brought his foot down on the guy's wrist with a sickening _crunch_. 

Then, it was just Souji and Isao. Yosuke wrapped his arms around himself, terrified of what he was going to see; Souji, however, had a fire in his eyes that told the world _just_ how angry he was, and his emotional state wasn’t lost on Isao, who jeered at him.

“Look at you getting all worked up - what, you think you’re some big bad hero, trying to protect that pathetic little trash monster, don’t you? What, you took a couple classes, think you know how to fight? I’ll-”

“You’ll shut the hell up, that’s what you’ll do.” Souji’s voice was low, and cold, and it made Yosuke shiver. “What I think has nothing to do with you, and if you weren’t such a coward, you’d-”

“The fuck did you call me?” The bully snarled. “Look, you fucking joke, I’m going to wreck you!” He ran at Souji, who side-stepped him; Isao was waiting for this, and he spun around to punch Souji, low in the kidneys. 

The silver-haired boy, however, had set him up. When Isao swung his fist, Souji had already turned back around; he caught his opponent’s hand and pulled, twisting it up behind Isao’s back in a way that looked very, _very_ painful. Isao swore, trying to pull away; Souji just twisted harder, grabbing the bully’s chin and jerking his face around so that he could see Souji’s expression. Something in his eyes made Isao grow pale, and Souji started to speak. His voice was still low, and cold, and angry, but it was pitched so that everybody could hear him.

“You’re a coward and a bully and a liar and you _will_ stay away from Yosuke. You want someone to pick on, you can come find me any time, but if I _ever_ hear that you’ve touched a hair on his head - if I _ever_ find you harassing him again - I will _fuck you up_. You think this hurts now?” He twisted Isao’s arm, digging it upwards into the bully’s back; the boy whimpered, trying to pull away, but Souji just held on. “If you touch him again I will make this seem like a nice, fun time. And just so you know, I have a brown belt in karate and I’ve already gotten my hakama in aikido. You want to try to take me? Go ahead. You want to tell the teachers? They won’t give a shit. You want to go to the police? You were the ones who jumped me and I have witnesses to prove it. I also have plenty of evidence from the times you attacked Yosuke, off school grounds. So I tell you again - you _will_ leave him alone. Am I clear?”

He squeezed Isao’s wrist, and the boy whimpered, nodding vigorously; Souji finally relaxed his grip, shoving the bully forward to land with his friends.

The students surrounding the fight were silent; a few of them were looking at Souji with fear, but most of them were focused on the bullies, and the expressions on their faces told Yosuke that for all that he’d placed a line between the other students and himself, he wasn’t the only person that Isao and his group of sycophants had been harassing, and more than one person was feeling vicariously victorious at the moment. There were murmurs as the bullies picked themselves up and staggered off; the brunette was surprised to hear that more than a few of them - while surprised and wary - seemed to support Souji in some way. He even heard a few sympathetic comments about himself - “ _They’ve been awful to Hanamura-kun, haven’t you seen? Maybe this will stop them for good.”_ \- and he didn’t know _what_ to think.

* * *

Yosuke didn’t really know what to think about _any_ of it, to be honest. Between the CD and photocopied letter in his pocket, Souji’s confession the night before, and the fight he’d just witnessed, his brain was a muddle of confusion and anxiety; he knew he had to do _something_ , but he wasn’t ready to talk to Souji - not by a long shot - so he turned, running away from the crowd. He ducked around the building, finding one of his safer hidey-holes in a cleaning room that nobody but the janitors used, and they only came in the evenings. 

Sitting on an old ladder, Yosuke pulled the muddy CD case and the photocopy out of his pocket; staring at them both, he realised that his hands were shaking, and that there were already tears on his cheeks. Finally, he smoothed out the crumpled letter.

> Dear Yosuke,
> 
> Please forgive me if this letter sounds a little forced. I told you I’m not good with writing, and I meant it. 
> 
> I’m writing this because I really like you. I’ve liked you for a long time, but I finally decided to tell you. I know I could tell you in person, and I hope you’ll let me, but I also know you like to write so I thought it would be a nicer way for me to tell you. I also know you are more comfortable with writing, so I wanted to give it a try. 
> 
> I really like seeing you smile. I know it doesn’t happen much, and that’s really sad, but I really hope that I can help make you happy, and help you smile more. I just want to see you laugh, you know? When we were working on our project we started to joke around… that was really nice. I want to see that side of you more often.
> 
> I don’t know if you like me too; I assume you don’t. But if you do, and if you think you could give me a chance, please go out with me? I just… want to get to know you better, want to spend more time with you. 
> 
> I know this letter is a mess, but I hope it at least gets my feelings across. Happy Valentine’s Day, Yosuke. Will you go out with me?
> 
> Yours hopefully,
> 
> Souji

By the time Yosuke got to the signature, his eyes were blurry with tears; it really wasn’t the best letter - as Souji had warned him - but it was so… so _Souji_ , that the brunette couldn’t help holding it a little more tightly. The voices were in the back of his mind, trying to remind him that it was a trap, that it wasn’t real; he fought them back, however, remembering all of the times that Souji was good to him, the times he helped him, or stayed with him, or just talked to him gently. All of the times he sat back, respected Yosuke’s boundaries, did _everything_ he could to make Yosuke feel comfortable; never _once_ had Souji ever lied to him, ever betrayed him, ever hurt him.

At this, everything seemed to click into place. Yosuke realised that it all came down to whether or not he trusted Souji - and despite the warning voice in his head, despite the fear in his fingers and pain in his heart, he _did_. He had to; his trust in Souji was the only thing he had that _mattered_ , and without that, life was a boring, black-and-white _mess_ that wasn’t worth living. 

After the letter, he was almost afraid to listen to the CD. Hands shaking, he dug through his bookbag to dig out his portable CD player; examining the disc, he was glad to see that it wasn’t scratched, so he wiped the mud off the edges and slipped it in before pressing play.

It killed him. Every single song was warm, and happy, and talked about loving, or caring, or protecting the person you cared about. There were songs about being happy together, about smiling and laughing, and by the fourth track Yosuke was crying his eyes out. With soft voices singing about love playing in his ears, he remembered Souji’s heartbroken face the night before; the memory smote his heart, and he just tightened his arms around his knees.

 _I love him and I hurt him. He wanted to be nice to me, and I hurt him. He got in a_ fight _for me, and I hurt him. I’m the worst! And now it’s gone, all gone, there’s no way he’ll ever care about me again, and I just don’t know what to do, I lost my friend and the guy I’m in love with and I’m so lost… I don’t know what to do, I don’t know where to go, nothing’s worth anything any more..._

He lost track of time, in that little room; eventually he heard the end-of-school bells ringing in the distance, and he raised his head. He felt worn out, and tired, and so sad that he couldn’t even feel anxious; not knowing what to do, he slowly packed his things and carefully made his way up to the roof.

* * *

He’d meant to sit and try to straighten out his thoughts and emotions, but no sooner had he turned the corner than he found that he wasn’t alone; Souji was sitting in their normal corner, and he had a damp towel in one hand with which he seemed to be scrubbing at his jaw. After a moment, Yosuke realised that the silver-haired boy was trying to clean himself up and get rid of the dried blood on his face. 

Yosuke jerked to a stop; for a second the two looked at one another, and before the brunette could turn around and run off, he noticed that Souji’s eyes were as big as his were, and the expression on his face was not one of anger or disgust - as Yosuke had feared it would be - but was instead scared and hurt. Slowly, the silver-haired boy climbed to his feet, keeping his eyes on the brunette; he grabbed his shoulder bag, tightening his grip on the towel in his hand, and started to hurry past Yosuke, making a beeline for the exit.

Without really knowing what he was doing, Yosuke put a hand out. “S-souji. Stop!”

Souji froze at this, and Yosuke realised that he was terrified of scaring the brunette, or hurting him more, and that realisation smote his heart. With a shaking voice, Yosuke whispered,

“Why did you do it? Why did you fight them?”

The colour drained out of Souji’s face and he closed his eyes. “I… hoped you wouldn’t find out. Look… I’m sorry. It’s just… _wrong_ that they can get away with something like that, and I wanted to stop them from harassing you any more even if I couldn’t do anything else for you. I won’t bother you again, don’t worry, and-”

Hearing the pain in Souji’s voice spin more and more out of control, Yosuke finally put his hands up to his face. “Stupid! I’m not worth it, don’t you _get_ it?”

He realised that he was crying again, but when he looked up, the expression on Souji’s face was one of disbelief and there was an ache in the silver-haired boy’s eyes. “What are you talking about? Of _course_ you’re worth it! You’re… _amazing_ , Yosuke. I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’s how I feel, and I just… you _are_ worth it.”

At these words, the brunette dropped to a crouch, his bookbag hitting the roof beside him; with a panicked look on his face, Souji ran over to crouch down next to him, although he avoided getting too close - likely so as to not alarm Yosuke. Meanwhile, the brunette was sobbing. 

“I’m _not!_ I’m stupid, I’m worthless, I’m trash!” He wrapped his arms around his knees, rocking back and forth as he broke down. “I’m a waste of space, I’m a pathetic excuse for a human being, and-”

“ _You are not!_ ” Souji’s tone showed just how horrified he was, and the force in his voice caused the brunette to look up, startled; there was a fierce look in the silver-haired boy’s eyes that took Yosuke’s breath away, and Souji shook his head. “You’re… god, Yosuke, you’re so funny and interesting, and you’re cute, and every time I talk to you I just want to know more about you. I love spending time with you, I think about you _all_ the time, and every time you say these things about yourself it tears my heart open because you’re so, _so_ much more important than you think, and I wish you could see it!”

He put a hand on Yosuke’s shoulder as he spoke, and there was something about the touch - so gentle and comforting - that broke through Yosuke’s defenses even as he tried to fight the breathless feeling that was growing in his chest. He trembled on the brink as everything he thought, everything he felt collapsed around him; finally he threw himself forward, burying his face against Souji’s shoulder, and the silver-haired boy just swept the brunette into a tight embrace, wrapping his arms around him. Safe in Souji's arms, Yosuke started to cry - heart-wrenching sobs that wracked his entire body - as he reached up to grab the back of Souji’s uniform jacket, holding onto it with clenched fists that were sure to wrinkle it, and neither of them cared. 

Yosuke cried until he couldn’t cry any more. Feeling drained - and somehow calmer - he finally pulled back; when he looked up he realised just how close he was to Souji and at that distance, the brunette could see the black eye, the split lip, and the cuts on Souji’s cheek, and he winced. Taking a deep breath, he moved away. 

“You- you’re hurt. You look awful.”

Souji looked startled at this, as he’d been watching the brunette with a barely-concealed expression of longing; hurriedly, he shook his head. “It’s fine, don’t worry about me, I’ll just-”

“Souji, sit down.” 

Still looking surprised, Souji did as he was told, a confused expression on his face; Yosuke turned to dig through his backpack, finally pulling out a packet of disinfectant wipes and some bandages. “I’ve been through this before, remember? Although you came out of it a lot better off than I did.” Yosuke's tone was self-mocking, but somehow it wasn’t as _bitter_ as it had been before; he shook his head as he pulled out one of the wipes, scooting over to start cleaning up the blood and cuts on Souji’s face.

Souji turned red at this, seemingly embarrassed by how close the brunette was. “I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t offend you when I went after them, I just-”

“You didn’t.” Yosuke shook his head, wiping the dried blood off Souji’s jaw as he tried not to think about just how firm it was, or how fine the silver-haired boy's cheekbones were. “Honestly, I - I wish I could stand up to them like you did, but at least… at least somebody did.” 

“I- I meant it.” Souji wouldn’t look up at him, or meet his eyes. “If they come after you again…”

“Y-yeah. Thanks.” Yosuke found himself growing as embarrassed as Souji, so he quickly turned to his bag to put away the wipes; when he looked back he was startled to see that Souji - hands trembling against his knees - had straightened his back and was looking directly at the brunette.

“I- I know I shouldn’t ask, I should just let it go, but I… I have to ask one more time. I really like you, Yosuke. I mean, I know you probably aren’t interested and you don’t need more crap to deal with but I swear I was not lying, I wasn’t making fun of you, I like you _so_ much, and… I just… I know I’m not worth getting into more trouble over but if you ever think you might be interested, I-”

“Wait, what?” There was no way he’d heard Souji right. “Are you serious? Did you just say you’re not worth it? Of _course_ you are, are you stupid?”

At these words, Souji looked up in amazement; Yosuke knew he was bright red, but he forced himself to meet the silver-haired boy’s gaze. “I…” 

_Oh god Yosuke what the hell are you doing? Are you serious?_

_I_ am _serious, I’m not going to let myself regret letting him go!_

Souji was quiet as he watched Yosuke struggled with his own inner bullies; there was a _hopeful_ look on his face that stole Yosuke's heart, and the brunette swallowed, hard. Balling his fists, he looked down at his knees. “I _do_ like you, okay? I just… I don’t get how _anybody_ could like me, I couldn’t believe it, there’s just no way. It _had_ to be a trick, but… I guess… it wasn’t.” He looked up, shame on his face. “I’m- sorry. I acted like I didn’t trust you and then my anxiety took over and I just-”

“Yosuke, it’s okay, it’s-” Souji’s voice was breathless, he was still reeling from Yosuke’s confession, but the brunette shook his head. 

“No, it’s _not_ okay. I- I found the CD, you know? And… I read the letter. They were… nice. More than nice.” He met Souji’s eye, his face crimson. “I- I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”

Souji looked as if he was holding his breath. “Then… will you go out with me?” They stared at one another; finally, Yosuke nodded, almost imperceptibly.

“Yes.”

At this, Souji put his hand over his mouth to hide his sharp gasp of disbelief. “I’m _so_ happy, oh my god, I love you _so_ much, Yosuke…” As Souji said this, Yosuke realised there were actually _tears_ in the silver eyes that were watching him so intently; this stunned the brunette, as he couldn’t even comprehend the fact that anybody could feel that way about him, be moved so strongly for his sake. As Souji extended an arm towards him, Yosuke threw himself forward, feeling so overwhelmed that he started crying again, burying his face against his boyfriend’s shoulder. This time, Souji’s embrace was warmer, as he finally allowed his long-restrained affections to show; he held Yosuke even closer than before as he reached up, softly stroking the brunette’s hair. His voice was quiet as he murmured in Yosuke’s ear.

“I love you _so_ much Yosuke… _my_ Yosuke… love of my life… I swear I’ll always protect you, I’ll always be there for you, you can always rely on me. You’re just… _so_ wonderful, so amazing, you make me smile every day. I love your smiles, I love your laughter, I just love spending time with you, no matter what we’re doing. You’re the light of my life and I love everything about you. I will gladly face any bullies for you, I would do anything you needed me to... I swear I’ll be with you for as long as you’ll have me, I promise I’ll never, ever leave you.”

With each sentence, Yosuke tightened his arms, giving a little sob against his boyfriend’s shoulder. Eventually he looked up, and when he did Souji smiled at him, and slowly - softly - the leaned forward to press his lips against the brunette’s. 

It was an innocent, chaste kiss, but Yosuke was so starved for affection that he clung to Souji’s shirt; smiling, Souji just wrapped his arms around the brunette’s thin shoulders, tugging Yosuke closer to sit between his legs as they cuddled on the rooftop - oblivious to the time, the weather, and everything else. When they finally pulled apart, there was a shaky smile on Yosuke’s face, and Souji reached up, gently, to wipe the remaining tears from the brunette’s cheeks. 

“I know you don’t believe me, but you _are_ worth it, you’re worth everything I can give you, and I’ll tell you every day for the rest of your life just how worthwhile you are, okay?”

“Okay.” The brunette’s response was practically a whisper, and Souji took his hands.

“Come on. Let’s go home. I’m going to cook dinner for you tonight.”

* * *

“Almost done packing, partner?”

Souji looked up from the box he was sealing with tape; Yosuke was standing next to him with a sunny smile on his face. The brunette threw his arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders; smiling, Souji leaned into his embrace, then wrapped his arms around Yosuke’s waist before leaning up for a kiss. 

The school year was finally over, and the two were getting ready to leave for their new school. After Souji’s fight with the bullies, he went to his parents to tell them everything; they were horrified, and they’d gone straight to the school to talk to the principal. Yosuke’s father was there, too; Souji had convinced his boyfriend to talk to him, and Mr. Hanamura had been just as upset as the Setas - he might spend all of his time working, as he had done since his wife died years ago, but he loved his son and only wanted the best for Yosuke. 

When faced by three irate parents - two of which were _quite_ well-to-do, as well as influential in ways that could make or break a school’s funding - the principal quickly gave into their demands; Yosuke was moved into Souji’s homeroom, and the bullies were suspended. Yosuke found that his new class was a little more accommodating than his last; some of that was Souji’s influence, of course - the silver-haired boy never let his boyfriend out of his sight, not at school, unless he had to - but some of it was also that Isao and his cronies were a large part of the bullying problem, and the rest of the year passed uneventfully.

Still, there was no reason the boys should _stay_ at that school; especially since Souji’s father had been told by a coworker about a good boarding school a couple of wards away that was very welcoming - as well as being academically renowned. The coworker’s son, who had been bullied at his old school because of a speech impediment, was there now and he was happier than he’d ever been. The Hanamuras might not be as well-off as the Setas, but Souji helped Yosuke study until he managed to land a scholarship to the school; it was close enough that they could still visit home on weekends and holidays, but far enough away that they didn’t have to worry about running into Isao or his friends walking around town. 

They were going to be roommates, of course.

Meanwhile, three months under Souji’s loving care had done _wonders_ for Yosuke. He had always been naturally cheerful - possibly one of the things that had drawn the bullies to him in the first place - and although that aspect of his nature was still subdued most of the time, the brunette smiled more, laughed more, and was actually able to relax when he was around people he trusted. Yosuke had even started to take aikido classes with Souji; while he wasn’t very far along, he was a quick study, and just being able to protect himself that little bit more helped his sense of self _so_ much. While it was going to take a long time to completely silence his internal bullies - if he even _could_ , which might not be possible - he had ways to deal with them now, and true to his word, Souji held Yosuke close every day and told him just how worthwhile he was, and how much he loved him. 

After a sweet, languid kiss, Souji brushed a strand of copper hair out of Yosuke’s eyes. “Yeah, this was the last box. You ready to leave tomorrow?”

When the brunette nodded, Souji pulled him close; the silver-haired boy was still sitting, and Yosuke was standing, so Souji just rested his head against Yosuke’s chest. The brunette smiled, stroking Souji’s soft hair, and Souji gave a long, happy sigh. Looking up, he smiled; Yosuke leaned over, and Souji reached up to stroke his jaw before whispering, 

“I love you _so_ much, Yosuke.” 

The brunette returned the smile, leaning in for another kiss; before their lips met, he whispered,

“I love you, too, Souji. Forever.”


End file.
